Before I met the person that I’m dating now, I always had a tendency to just go for short-term flings and casual hookups. That was my game. That was my deal. That was who I am. I would always just get caught up in the thrill and exhilaration that went into getting to know someone new in an intimate capacity. It was always so fun just jumping from one person to the next. I knew to a certain extent that it wasn’t the ideal situation but I just couldn’t help myself.
I loved being able to get deep with someone new all the time. It was refreshing and invigorating. But then after I would get to know someone, I would then realize that it wouldn’t be a good match. I would find something wrong with our chemistry as a couple. I would always find something about the relationship that was less than ideal and I would use that as an excuse to bolt.
What I really learned about this experience is that some relationships aren’t meant to last and there’s nothing to be ashamed of about that. But I also learned that there are some people (like the person I used to be) who are just so deathly afraid of getting close and intimate to another person. That is why, at the start of getting to know someone, it’s very important to figure out whether you are on the same page or not. If you are genuinely interested in saving yourself a lot of time, then you need to know that you are with someone who shares the same expectations as you.
If you want to save yourself from getting hurt, you want to make sure that you are with someone who isn’t merely looking to treat you like a mere fling. If you know that a person isn’t really going to want to take you seriously in a relationship, then at least you would be able to brace yourself. You would know that you shouldn’t be invested in this individual so that you don’t end up getting unmet expectations. You would know to stay guarded so that you don’t end up getting a broken heart.
There are times wherein these short-term flings and hookups are purely coincidental. Like maybe the timing just happened to be off for the both of you and that’s why you ended up having to call it quits. Maybe one of you has to take on a new job that requires you to move far away. Maybe one of you has had a difficult personal trauma that has prevented you from getting intimate with someone.
These are purely incidental and it’s more of the fault of the circumstance than it is of the person. In that sense, you aren’t being made a fool out of. You aren’t being led on. You aren’t being lied to. You’re just being victimized by time. You always want to make sure that even as you’re still getting to know someone, you are already honest and open with one another. Communication is always key in a relationship no matter how long the two of you might be together.
However, these conversations and discussions about commitment and expectations aren’t always going to be the easiest ones to have. And only the bravest and most mature of us will be willing to actually go through them. IF you find that a person is incapable of having this discussion with you about these matters, then it would be better for you to just walk away from the situation entirely.
But of course, there will be other signs that a person just isn’t going to be interested in having a long-term relationship with you. And you will want to make sure that you stay aware of these signs so that you will be able to better protect yourself from someone who is only going to use you and leave you once they’re through. Here are a few signs that your partner might not want a long-term relationship with you.
1. They avoid talking about the future with you.
They don’t want to talk about the future with you because the truth is that they don’t really see themselves having a future with you at all.
2. They don’t really introduce you to important friends and family.
They don’t want to expose you to the most important people in their life because, at the back of their minds, you won’t be around long enough to matter anyway.
3. They don’t consult you whenever they make decisions.
They don’t really mind you when they’re making plans or the weekend or when they’re forced to make decisions about everyday life.
4. They don’t open u to you about intimate and private matters.
To a certain extent, a person who wants to be with you should always be willing to open up to you about certain intimate and private matters.